A
man tried fate and ended up behind bars for naming his dog Bu***i, another
woman took up the initiative and named her dog Lai; but for a month that ended
with Mark Zuckerberg walking the streets of Yaba, this is to what not to name
your dog and the ten lessons from the
month of August:
month of August:
1) Ghost Slaps Okorocha
Well, this was the funniest
news that broke out this month on how a ghost visited the Imo state governor
and tended him an unsolicited slap which led to his travel outside the country
for medical treatment. Of course,
Okorocha was quick to deny it, but if this news holds any water, then I am
making a passionate appeal to that ghost to visit Abia, Benue, Kogi, Delta,
Osun and Ekiti states and pay the same
homage to their respective governors.
2) What Not to Name
Your Dog
If
you take a quick tour of Nigeria you will find many pet names for dogs ranging
from lucky to bingo, down to names like Sheila. The dog in my compound goes by
the name “nameless”. But a man took it a notch far by naming his dog after our
Beloved President and even inscribing it on the body. Now I cannot say if the
man was trying to scorn the president or trying to tell the world that his dog
had suffered too much and needed help.
But whatever the case, he found himself behind bars. A warning to people on what
not to name your dog. Just that two days after that, a lady named her own dog
Lai, I rest my case.
3) Use Your Anger
His
name is Efe Ajagbala. Yes! I know you don’t know he represented Nigeria in the
boxing contest during the 2016 Rio Olympics and won one of his matches in less
than 30 seconds knocking his opponent off with a sucker punch. When he was
interviewed on winning formula he made this simple statement, “I focused all my
anger on the Nigerian Government in that punch.” My fellow Nigerians, I know we
share a common feeling about our leaders but learn from Efe, and use your anger
well.
4) All Hale the Queen
I
had mixed feelings when the news broke of Queen Elizabeth II death late this
August. Sad because she was our dear mother and would be missed by all
including me, and not so sad because
Robert Mugabe would stop using her as a case study to continue holding onto
power. But it turned to be false, long live the queen for she is hearty and all
hale.
5) Buhari’s Economic Adviser
Dies
We
truly need help in Nigeria; a man dies and instead of pray for his soul to rest
eternally, we were hopeful that at least there will be economic reforms to
better the situations of our citizens. We are sorry Sir. Ayodele Adu, we did
not mean to disrespect you posthumously; it is not your fault you became a
senior economic adviser to the president in this hard times and it’s not our
fault that we responded to the reality of the times. Rest in peace Sir.
6) Tua Culpa Padre
This
story of Reverend father Peter Zuni who is a parish priest in Kaduna but is
secretly married with kids really got me ashamed this august when it broke; not
just because I am catholic but the level of doubt he must have created in the minds of those who clung to him as a
mentor. The vocation of priesthood and its constraints are clearly stated in
the catholic doctrine so this could not have been a mistake, but like every
other average Nigerian man he tried combining two kinds of soup for swallow. Who am I to judge after all to forgive
is divine; but Padre Zuni, tua culpa,
don’t get it wrong, this one is your fault.
7) Buhari’s
Bodyguards Protest
While
a lot of workers are busy crying in the various states that they have not been
paid salaries for months, some set of young able bodied men have come out to
voice their frustration that they have not been paid since working as
bodyguards for PMB during his campaign stating clearly that the N20,000 each
month that was agreed with them was only paid for the first two months of 2015.
Lol, so federal government dey owe, I will soon beg that ghost that visited
Douglas house to branch at Aso rock.
8) Don’t Visit the
North – US to citizens
The
USA seriously warned their citizens to
abstain from the 20 Nigerian northern states like premarital sex on the grounds of terrorist attacks. This made me
wonder when Boko haram infiltrated all the northern states because I know only
of the North East and then activities in
other places, but Sokoto, Bauchi, Kogi, Benue, Nassarawa and many others have
never witnessed a single attack. Well, if that is the case, New York should be
a burial ground given what Bin Laden did there. And to look at the wisdom of
men, Abuja which has witnessed more than 7 attacks since the insurgency
miraculously did not make the list.
9) Jose Mourinho is
back
There
comes a time in a man’s life when everything seems to be falling apart and for
Jose Mourinho, that was last season at Chelsea when nothing he did seemed to
work. Fast forward one year later, with the most expensive player in football
and the self-acclaimed football God, the man looks unstoppable. I hate to admit
this but Man Utd looks like they have the league trophy already in their
cabinet and even though it makes me sad, it down to one reason; Jose Mourinho,
‘the special one’ is back.
10) Zuckerberg
Walks the Streets of Yaba
He is worth $54billion and was walking around Yaba
with a shirt that probably does not cost up to $15 (please do not quote me
here), greeting and taking pictures with anyone who cares to notice him; that
is what I call humility. I remember Ja’rule
performing in Nigeria in 2002 and losing his gold chain and belt before that
performance was over, but Zuckerberg made it through the day in one piece, which
shows our mannerism as well has improved. Sighting the Facebook CEO in Nigeria
was a breath of fresh air given his youth and the number of youths struggling
to make it Nigeria? I just wished I was in Lagos, who knows I might have gotten
a selfie.
To all my readers, don’t lose hope in the country,
keep working hard and make something good out of yourself, till we meet again
next month, stay safe.
Written by Dubem Val.
originally posted on HeartForte
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